'Let's do better': Expat complains about sexism in Singapore, claims salesman ignored her

Are women treated as second tier citizens here? 

One American expatriate living in Singapore posed this question on social media, describing how a recent car buying experience has been "driving her nuts".

Taking to TikTok on Monday (Oct 10), Monica Millington, who said she would be paying for the car in that video, wondered why the "nice enough" salesman only chose to interact with her husband while ignoring her completely.

[embed]https://www.tiktok.com/@monicamillington/video/7152852885473152258?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1[/embed]

In the two-minute video, Millington, a former reality TV contestant of the The Apprentice: ONE Championship Edition, shared that she has "always been the decision maker of the house" – the one who thinks of all the costs and problems that they might encounter.

In the car showroom, said Millington, her husband had constantly asked for her opinions about the car.

So imagine her shock when the salesman allegedly completely blanked her while being asked questions ranging from the monthly payment of the car to the road tax and servicing fees.

The baffled woman said: "When I was asking these questions, this guy answers [and only makes eye contact] to my husband.

"When my husband gets up and walks around and I'm still talking to [the salesman], he stops and waits."

Accusing the salesman of completely ignoring her throughout the entire meeting, Millington shared that she and her husband still bought the car since it was a good deal.

"Can someone please tell me why it's 2022 and sexism is still so rampant in this country?" the 32-year-old entrepreneur claimed. 

The bizarre ghosting continued at home, Millington said, claiming that even though the salesman had her phone number, he only sent messages to her husband about paying for the car.

Millington said: "[The salesman] was not responding to me. When [my husband] told him 'I really need you to message my wife, I don't have time for this', the guy goes, 'why, are you busy or something?'

"Yes, but that's not the point. [My husband] has told you that I'm the decision maker multiple times. I don't get it."

Praising her husband for speaking up for her, Millington ends off the video saying "let's do better, men". 

She added that she was not going "to name and shame the dude as I think he was a nice guy". 

In the comments, several netizens were angered by Millington's experience with the salesman.

"The way he had the audacity to say 'why, are you busy' to his client instead of contacting you," a netizen said, while another suggested that Millington should not have bought the car from him.

Several netizens, on the other hand, disagreed with Millington's assessment of men in Singapore.

"Most women don't want to understand technical jargon which is what they are trained for their sales pitch," a netizen said, while Millington accused him of being sexist and being part of the problem. 

Another netizen offered that it could simply be a cultural thing where "it's not appropriate for a man to speak directly to a married woman especially when the husband is around".

'We all want to be respected'

In an interview with AsiaOne on Tuesday (Oct 11), Millington shared that she is still in contact with the salesman, and has made it clear to him that she would be handling the transaction going forward. 

"At this point I’m not baffled with the salesman because I think he was just doing what he thought was best, which is the unfortunate reality many times," she said. 

Millington, who moved to Singapore with her husband in 2017, said that she had rarely encountered such incidents of discrimination back in the States. 

On her experiences in Singapore, she said: "Even though I have had my own source of income or work pass, I have been treated as secondary to my husband when it comes to setting up my business, bank account, and mobile phone. 

"Cab drivers [would] always go straight to asking me what my husband does and not what I do. I’m very used to it at this point." 

When asked about the response to her TikTok video, Millington shared that she's not sure which is more frustrating – Internet trolls who told her to go back to her own country while denying that sexism exist here, or netizens who "tried making her feel better" by explaining that it's "part of culture". 

"It’s sad honestly... I understand that I am a guest in this country [but] expectations of how women are treated in a modern society have evolved and we all want to be respected and recognised as the individuals that we are."

In April, Parliament endorsed a White Paper on Singapore Women's Development to ensure that all Singapore women have greater access to opportunities, and more equal partnerships with men.

The 115-page White Paper, which drew on views from some 6,000 participants over a year, called for flexible work arrangements and protection for women, the Straits Times reported then. 

ALSO READ: Woman calls out expat man for only dating Southeast Asian women, says they 'could do so much better'

[email protected]

No part of this story or photos can be reproduced without permission from AsiaOne.