Having trouble sleeping? Orgasms can serve as natural sleep therapy

We’ve all been there at some point: tossing and turning throughout the late night in hopes of finding a comfortable position to fall asleep, all the while getting more anxious and frustrated as the minutes on the clock slowly inch toward the time where your alarm will go off.

While there are many reasons for a lack of quality sleep, there are also several natural and easy ways to relax your mind and body for a restful slumber. One such effective course of action? Giving yourself – or having a partner give you – an orgasm. 

“Generally, an orgasm helps one to relax and relieve stress, while the refractory period post-orgasm allows for the feeling of release and a lull into a more restful state,” explains Andrea Tan, a Singapore-based certified sexual wellness and relationship coach. “An orgasm can help regulate the nervous system, release tension, and manage our mood levels – all necessary elements for a good night’s sleep.”

Gemma Fisk, a certified infant and adult sleep consultant, concurs. “After we orgasm, our brain releases serotonin, which encourages a feeling of relaxation that helps us to switch off before bed. Serotonin is a cortisol killer,” she explains. “Cortisol is a stress hormone that typically rises throughout the day, especially if we have been up against stressful situations.” 

Reducing your cortisol level before bed is important to help prevent a vicious cycle of anxiety and insomnia, says Gemma. “If we repeatedly put ourselves to bed whilst feeling stressed and occupied by negative thoughts, it conditions our brains to believe that the bedroom is a stressful place and can lead to sleep issues such as chronic insomnia,” she warns. 

The sleep consultant, who firmly believes in a holistic and science-based approach to help adults and children sleep better, is collaborating with global pleasure brand We-Vibe to promote a positive relationship between sleep and sex. “Sex and sleep go hand in hand and if we can work to support one, the other will flourish. If they are neglected, it can be easy to spiral into a highly stressed zone which feels difficult to come out of.”  

Here, Gemma and Andrea candidly share more about how orgasms can help reduce stress levels for better sleep, why sleep advice columns seldom mention sex/orgasms as a method, and more.

How does having an orgasm work as a natural sleep therapy?

Stress and anxiety are two major factors that typically reduce one’s quality of sleep, notes Andrea. “In our bodies, orgasms contribute to feel good hormones or neurotransmitters.

An orgasm will lead to an increase of oxytocin, which counterbalances the effects of cortisol that increases in times of stress,” she explains, agreeing with Gemma that one has to lowering one’s cortisol level is important in order to get into a restful state before bed.

“Vaginal stimulation during orgasm also triggers a release of endorphins, which supports a good amount of dopamine for the orgasms to provide relaxing pleasure,” she adds.

What happens when you don’t get enough sleep?

There’s a reason why downtime is so important. “Poor sleep can have life changing effects on our physical and mental health. For anyone getting less than six hours of sleep each night, they are drastically more susceptible to diabetes, heart disease, depression, poor immune system and much more,” warns Gemma.

We’ve all heard about herbal teas and breathing techniques, but why do sleep advice columns seldom mentions sex/orgasms as a method for sleeping better?

This could be due to the lack of research in this area, on account of the topic’s sensitive nature that makes it hard for researchers to conduct scientific studies with participants. Nevertheless, new research in the past few years has shown that those who manage to achieve the big O before bed have reported better sleep.

A 2019 study published by the National Library of Medicine also noted that “orgasms achieved through masturbation (self-stimulation) were associated with the perception of better sleep quality and latency”, and that “these findings indicate that the public perceive sexual activity with orgasm precedes improved sleep outcomes”.

Gemma also notes that while there is still a stigma attached to sex in research, “there is a shift happening when it comes to discussing sex more openly”.

“Female health care is changing due to more research and I am a huge supporter of improved communication on this topic for our next generation of women,” she enthuses. “I am a mother of two girls and I am on a mission to ensure they feel comfortable discussing the topic of sex openly. It is a natural and very important element of our lives, health and relationships.”

For those without partners, does self-pleasure equally leads to better quality sleep?

“To tap into the benefits of orgasms, it isn’t only exclusive to those with partners. Self-pleasure gives an individual access to orgasms and all the related benefits, including improving quality of sleep,” says Andrea.

Self-pleasure offers you the chance of knowing yourself and your body more intimately, says the sexual wellness and relationship coach. “For many, it feels less vulnerable to explore self-pleasure at their own pace and when alone, which contributes to lesser anxiety through the whole process. Again, with lesser anxiety, the quality of sleep after self-pleasure improves.”

Some people might feel guilty after an orgasm — defeating the purpose where an euphoric orgasm serves as a natural sleep therapy. Any advice for those who feel inhibited?

“In our Asian society today, there are different belief systems, different things we are told growing up, or just shame and judgement over the taboo topic of pleasure and orgasms in general. Guilt, which arises because we think we are doing something wrong, is a huge damper on pleasure,” Andrea notes.

She has two guidelines that she constantly repeats. “Have no judgement, and no expectation. That means have no judgement to label the pleasure and orgasm as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and to not have any expectations on how it is supposed to feel on any given day.”

She elaborates: “The inclination, because of what we are exposed to in movies, is that we expect an orgasmic experience to be huge climatic with expressive euphoria. By consciously and consistently removing any judgement and expectations around the orgasmic experience, it allows you to be more present with your body and less in the thinking mind, taking our attention from analysing the experience where guilt can creep in.”

She also recommends for those who are more shy to “reframe the pleasure and orgasmic experience as a way to connect to your partner (if with your partner) or a way to connect with yourself (when by yourself)”.

“It’s a way to create a sensual connection and not to chase a climatic experience at the end,” she explains. “This allows you to enjoy the process, the arousal and pleasure buildup, so that you gradually move yourself in a different state of being and experience the benefits of the orgasm instead of focusing on the guilt.”

Does better sleep increase your libido?

This article was first published in Her World Online.